AfroBeatles: Fela + The Beatles. Yoda is real.

The AfroBeatles. John, Ringo, Fela, George and Paul.

I’m sitting in NY Penn Station jamming to an AfroBeatles mash up.

I’m sorry.

What’s an AfroBeatle?

The Afrobeatles are an imaginary group from an alternate universe.

It’s The Beatles meets Fela Kuti.

In this alternate universe, these two musical icons (who, through fate, were never able to collaborate in life) create a musical journey and show us what the “what if” would have looked, sounded and felt like.

This universe contains a series of music and video mash ups of the AfroBeatles musical collabos.

Right now, I’m rocking out to Drive My Car with ODOO.

Its a mash up of the Beatles’ Drive My Car from the Rubber Soul album, and Overtake Don Overtake Overtake (ODOO) from the Fela Anikulapo Kuti & Egypt 80 album of the same name.

This is an assignment I’ve been given by Yoda.

Not this Yoda. The real Yoda.

Who is Yoda?

He’s my sensei.

I’m his student.

Digital kung fu.

Per Yoda: “If we transplant a concept of any serious value in the digital space, it will germinate and grow. But you must be attentive to it for it to initially sustain itself.”

So I’m documenting AfroBeatles.

Which I’ve just planted in all of you.

Did you see what just happened?

You’ve become part of Yoda’s experiment.

You’re in the Petri dish.

You’ll probably never experience his all-seeing eye.

But it’s on you.

No camera necessary.

You’re already a blip on his mental radar.

You wouldn’t even know how to avoid it if you could.

It’s been trained on all of us for a long time.

I. Sound. Crazy.

One day, you’ll think back on this post and be like “Oh yeah. He did say that was gonna happen.”

That being this AfroBeatles thing.

You’ll be able to point to this post and know when you were officially put down.

It may be because we took a walk down AfroBeatles Lane together.

Or because one day you see your neighbor on TV talking about their “walk down AfroBeatles lane” from an AfroBeatles concert in London.

And you’ll wonder, “how the hell did they get to London?”

I never really listened to the Beatles back in the day, so this will be somewhat an education for me.

Sure, I know a few of their songs, but I can’t say I’m familiar with their full body of work.

My “assignment” from Yoda is to document the AfroBeatles movement.

Including the symposia where the project will be discussed, the concerts and screenings taking place along the way.

Of course, you’re invited.

And I’ll gather more data about you.

I’ve been reflexively typing as I’ve been listening to this, so AfroBeatles music clearly has a creative effect on this listener.

My feet have been tapping this whole time, and I’m bopping my head.

Outside looking in, there’s a dreadlock on the train jamming to something.

Baby you can drive my car…

But if you got up close you would see me rat-a-tat tatting on this iPad.

Anyway, here’s how to formally participate in Yoda’s experiment:

1. Visit AfroBeatles.com (it’s a work in progress)
2. Listen to any mash up in the timeline.
3. Decide for yourself, the minute you finish listening it, within five seconds, whether you want to walk down AfroBeatles Lane.
4. If “yes” document your walk down AfroBeatles Lane. Read the blog, listen to more tracks, download, like, share, comment and become a fellow blip.
5. Record where you are the day AfroBeatles becomes mainstream.

Yoda predicted lots of blips.

We’ll just have to wait and see.

Oh…welcome to my world.

“Hey Facebook, does this shirt make me look fat?”

Hey Facebook, does this shirt make me look fat?

Note: You can file this under “rant.”

Do you know what I absolutely hate?

People who live their every breathing minute on Facebook.

It’s one of my biggest pet peeves.

You know who I’m talking about.

Troll your feed and you’ll see them.

They’re the ones with the frequent status updates.

Every Frappuccino consumed.

Every traffic jam.

Every stubbed toe.

Every <insert other inane activity you could give  a shit about here>.

And the pictures.

Loads of pictures.

They post every vacation ever taken, airplane wing, cocktail umbrella, toe shots and all.

Every shot of their kid from ultrasound to graduation.

Every shoe, seashell, snowfall.

Riddle me this Joker: why do people post multiple head shots of themselves?

Have they forgotten how they look?

Do they fear that without that same-angled-plastered-smile-arm-length-self-portrait shot, we won’t remember them?

Maybe it’s just vanity.

I mean, Facebook is a big ego-stroke.

It was designed to give its users a platform to share.

But damn!

Zuckerberg didn’t necessarily want you to reveal the most minute and insignificant detail about yourself and your every waking hour.

I mean, do we really need to know that your STD test came back negative (or positive)?

Or that your momma had her bunions removed?

And it’s not Dear Abbey.

“Hey FB fam, I just shat. Should I wipe front to back or back to front?”

“Facebook, if he’s sleeping with her, but tells me he loves me, should I stay with him?”

“I’ve got a toothache, Facebook. Should I take something or tough it out?”

Stop asking for advice.

Don’t you realize that your proclamation that you “don’t need a man!” only serves to alert the world that you are (once again) alone?

And – in point of fact – actually in need of a man?

All I’m saying is that there is such a thing as over sharing.

Just because you can do something, doesn’t mean you should.

Yes. I live in a glass house.

Right now it’s full of shattered panes as I toss rocks at the rest of you.

I know I’m guilty of the occasional over-share or posting of frivolous bullshit.

Once I even posted a picture of myself on the throne.

Which I’ve tastefully and artistically recreated above for my loyal readers.

But I digress.

Seriously, take these small bits of advice.

Unless you’re an exhibitionist or shameless fame seeker, keep your Facebook posting to a dull murmur.

If you’ve added your mug to your Facebook album, wait at least a month before posting another. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

The multiple shots of yourself in the car, in the ladies bathroom at your job, sitting at the bar in TGIF – is overkill. Be selective.

If you’re mad at someone, tell them – privately.  Fighting on Facebook  is just…immature.

Finally, every once in a while, post about how you’re going to be taking a break from Facebook.

Everyone loooovves getting that post.

Best of the Best. The Webby Awards.

Did you catch the Webbys?

You know, the annual award show that celebrates excellence in the internet?

Well not excellence in the internet, but excellence of the internet.

Actually, it’s not just of the internet.

It’s websites really.

And interactive advertising and media.

Also online film and video.

Oh yeah, and mobile apps too.

And social web, I think.

Let’s try this again.

The Webby Award honors exceptional work on websites, interactive advertising and media, online film and video, mobile apps and social web.

The New York Times calls The Webbys “the Internet’s highest honor.”

I think this means it’s a big deal.

In it’s 17th year, The Webbys brings together some of the most innovative and creative minds to pay homage and acknowledge some of the tremendous work being done in the online, social media and interactive space.

For we geeks, it’s like the Oscars of the online and interactive world.

Win a Webby and you are somebody.

This year’s Special Achievement honorees include Steve White (“JIF” not “GIF”) Frank Ocean, Kevin Spacey, Grimes, Obama for America 2012, Chris Kluwe and Tribal DDB Worldwide, among others.

And nominees ranged from Funny or Die to The Onion, Mashable to Tumblr, Google to Ted Ed – and everything in between.

If you’re unfamiliar with The Webby Awards, it’s all good.

It is a thing of geekdom.

And unless you’re into the internet, mobile, apps, advertising or social media, you probably don’t care.

And that’s cool.

But if you’re interested, The Webby’s gives out over a hundred awards each year, to the best and brightest among us.

Yes. I included myself in the running for “best and brightest.”

Don’t trip.

Each year, two awards are giving out  in various categories: The Webby Award and the People’s Voice Award.

Winners of The Webby Award is selected by the members of The International Academy of Digital Arts and Sciences.

While the People’s Voice Award winners are selected by the people, via online voting.

Now if you visit the site, you will be overwhelmed.

There are over one hundred different categories and the page of the website listing the winners and nominees scrolls endlessly.

So here are my faves:

There were infinitely more categories and winners.

And as I was going through them all, I realized that it was better to simply give you the link to check out the full site, winners and nominees for yourself.

I know, I know.

I originally said that you’d be overwhelmed if you visited the site.

But I was getting overwhelmed, and we can’t have that.

I’m just saying.

There are loads of videos, memes, and content galore, so give yourself a chunk of time to go in.

It’s taken me two days to get this out, just because I took such a deep dive.

And I couldn’t figure out what to write about.

It was all so compelling.

Especially all the mobile stuff.

Nerdy right?

Whatev.

So, if you want to know what the most amazing web, online, social media and interactive stuff of 2012 was, peep The Webby Awards site.

If not, kick rocks!

Stephen Chukumba. How I became a Digital Kung Fu Master.

Remember how I told you I was writing a book?

The Life Digital. Atari to iPad: Growing Up In the Digital Age.

I even gave you a brief intro.

Well, I had an epiphany the other day: I’m full of shit.

My book’s title is full of shit, actually.

It’s so boring.

It is.

I bore myself just thinking about it.

And I bore myself anew every time I read it.

The Life Digital.

Where do I get off?

Atari to iPad.

Just go for the most obvious crap why dontcha?

Growing Up In A Digital Age.

Just hitting puberty Stephen?

It’s descriptive, sure.

I mean, if you read that title, you can figure out what’s between the covers.

But would you really read it?

I wouldn’t.

Well maybe I would, but I’m biased.

The point is, every time I sat down to write, I looked at the title and it gave me writer’s ED.

I just couldn’t get it up.

No amount of mental Viagra could help me.

I simply couldn’t muster the desire to write.

I was flaccid and needed a boost.

And then it came to me.

Stephen, you’re not just some dude who lived in a digital age.

You’re a walking embodiment of it.

The Don Dada, in fact!

Maybe you don’t have Bill Gates money – yet.

But you know that shit is coming.

So you better re-title your as-yet-unwritten memoirs better than The Life Digital.

Rename the book?

Eureka!

I’ll rename the book!

I’ll make that shit sexy!

Give it a title I’d wanna read.

And write.

So this weekend, I did some soul searching.

Who am I?

Tall. Check.

Handsome. Check.

Intelligent. Check.

Well endowed. Check.

But that’s besides the point.

Who am I?

Digital.

Ok. Now we’re getting somewhere.

Mobile.

That’s right, I eat cell phones for breakfast.

Tech.

Damn skippy I’m tech!

And right then, I found my voice – and my new title.

Walk with me, now, and tell me you think I’ve struck gold:

Stephen Chukumba. How I became a Digital Kung Fu Master.

Has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?

I know, thanks.

I mean, who wouldn’t want to read about my life?

Especially when it’s chock full of the interesting tidbits that made me – me.

Oh! The places I’ve been.

The things I’ve seen!

The dude calls himself a kung fu master!

Yes. I’m referring to myself in the third person.

For all you would-be entrepreneurs, DKFM will be a rags-to-riches story from someone still in the ‘rags’ stage.

DKFM?

It’s the acronym for Digital Kung Fu Master.

The short title.

Please don’t let the absence of riches fool you.

I am a master of this digital shit.

I’ve just been wearing the garb and trappings of a plebe as cover.

Think Shaolin monk begging among the townspeople.

Oh, he looks shabby.

But he’ll bust that ass if shit gets too hot.

Ya dig?

That’s me.

Shaolin.

I don’t wear my digital kung fu on my sleeve.

I let it seep out in my little blog posts here and there.

A few know I’m a digital black belt, but they don’t let on – do they bugs?

Anywho, that’s my new title, and I should be able to crank out some chapters.

Now that I got my mojo back!

Hiiiyyya! (said making a karate chop in the air)

Twitter #music. #WTF? Twitter throws it’s app into the music ring.

Didja hear about the new Twitter #music app?

No, that’s not a mistake.

Not the “didja”.

I know didja is not a word.

I’m talking about the name of the app.

Twitter #music.

Yes. The hashtag is part of the name.

They’ve taken this hashtag thing too far!

Anyway, today Twitter released it’s new music discovery app with an exclusive on Good Morning America.

Why Good Morning America?

Who the fuck knows.

Let’s move on, shall we?

Write-ups in TechCrunch and Wired said that the app helps you find new music.

And I was curious to check out Twitter’s entry into the music biz.

So I downloaded the app and put it through its paces.

When you download the app, you’re presented with four tabs.

Twitter Charts, Follow Artists, Tweet Tracks and Listen Now.

Don’t bother pressing the icons. They don’t do anything.

Getting to each tab is as simple as a swipe.

What does the app do?

Well, its supposed to help you find music and artists you like.

To get started, you’ve got to click “Listen Now” on the fourth tab.

I pressed the little icons from the home screen like a moron (think Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson in Zoolander) before I realized how to use the damn thing.

Frustration aside, Twitter #music isn’t half bad.

If you select Popular (highlighted on the Twitter Charts page), the app will show you music that’s trending on Twitter.

Select Emerging (similarly highlighted) and you’ll find hidden gems that folks are posting in their Tweets.

Find hidden talent in your tweets.

Sign in, and you can now share your music preferences with your followers.

And peep music from artists and friends.

Now don’t get it twisted, Twitter #music isn’t Pandora, Last.fm or any other streaming music service.

You’re only getting snippets of the songs.

But if you want to listen to the whole song, you can sign in to your Spotify or rdio account.

Hear something you want to own, you buy it right from iTunes.

I was lost for an hour messing around with this damn thing.

It’s quite addictive.

I dig the UI for the app, which is clean and polished.

Aside from the Zoolander landing screen/tabs thing, everything else works intuitively.

Menus are easy to get to.

And navigation is a breeze.

I guess that’s what happens when your beta testers are artists and music industry insiders.

If you’ve got cash to burn, you can really get things right.

Twitter’s follow-up to Vine is a doozy.

I predict that Twitter #music is going to #takeovermusic.

But don’t take my word for it.

Cop the app for yourself and you’ll see.

Let’s YO! ain’t your daddy’s ice cream shop.

What do you get when you combine flat screen televisions, branded social media feeds, table top iPads and frozen yogurt?

Let’s YO! that’s what.

Let’s YO! Yogurt is an all natural frozen yogurt franchise, known for its innovative use of in-shop social media.

They serve a dizzying array of whacked out flavors of frozen yogurt (about 80 of them), in what has to be the hippest ice cream parlor you’ll ever see.

Let’s YO! is apparently a growing phenomenon.

What started off at a few spots in 2011 has grown to over 30 in just a few years, with locations in Manhattan, Brooklyn and New Jersey.

This weekend I took my kids to their Montclair location.

It’s part ice cream shop, part hang out spot, and part arcade.

Let’s YO! is a self-serve ice cream shop, which allows you to make your own cone, cup or sundae.

There’s a big board at the start of your DIY journey, which outlines the simple steps for building your unique frozen masterpiece.

Once you’ve selected your flavors, you can add toppings.

With everything from rainbow sprinkles and M&Ms, to granola and rice crispies, it’s an ice cream aficionados dream.

But the pièce de résistance is unquestionably the iPads mounted to the tabletops through the shop.

Connected to the TV screens, the iPads allow customers to share their experience through social media both inside and out of the store.

My kids eyes bugged out of their heads as we sat to enjoy their cavity-inducing creations, and they noticed the iPads on each table.

Secured in landscape orientation behind green protective casing, the iPads were loaded with a buttload of games and entertainment apps.

The fixed orientation was great for games best played in landscape mode.

Not so much for portrait-only games.

The kids could have cared less about the fixed orientation and lost themselves in gameplay.

I was appalled at the grubby home buttons or sticky screens but I didn’t let it get the best of me.

Does Purell make wipes?

At the end of the day, Let’s YO! is a modernized take on the Carvel, Baskin-Robbins and Ben & Jerry’s scoop shops of old.

Bend over. Lululemon’s customer service fail.

Lululemon wants to see your bum.

I’ll be brief.

Actually, I’ll be a pair of (recalled) Lululemon Luon yoga pants.

A see-through pair to be exact.

This morning I heard a story so outrageous, so thoroughly implausible, I knew it was a prank.

I wasn’t watching a major news network.

It must have been The Onion.

And the story was a gag.

But as I listened and watched the familiar newscasters report on the story, I realized the story was real.

And Lululemon was making perhaps the worst customer service gaffe in history.

Apparently the Luon, a pair of high-priced yoga pants made by Lululemon, were defective.

If you bent over while wearing them (as you inevitably will in yoga) the pants become sheer and see through.

I assume your exposed pantaloons are not one of the chakras you’re trying to open.

When customers tried to return these defective pants, store clerks made customer put the pants on…

And BEND OVER!

Purportedly, this requirement for a return was sanctioned by Lululemon’s CEO, Christine Day, who said:

“[T] truth of the matter is that the only way that you can actually test for the issue is to put the pants on and bend over.”

As one reporter wrote “asking customers to publicly debase themselves is the surest way of ensuring repeat business.”

The backlash has been instantaneous and unanimous: Lululemon is bugging.

Maybe asking customers to try on a defective article of clothing in-store before you can return it is kosher in Canada.

So they didn’t fully appreciate how folks in America would be offended or taken aback.

Clearly their heads were up their arses.

Perhaps they never heard the expression, “the customer is always right.”

But whatever the case may be, Lululemon made a massive faux pas.

It’s likely going to cost them more than the reported $60 million in lost sales and revenue.

The impact to their reputation can’t be fully quantified.

If the chatter on social media is any indication, it’s serious.

Now I’m not a yoga person.

But I’ll be damned if I drop 100 bones for some friggin pants.

And if I was, and I had, you best believe that I’d have gotten my money back without trying them on.

If I bent over, it would have only been to pass gas as an expression of my malcontent – NOT to prove the pants were see through.

However, the way I would have handled the situation isn’t at issue here.

It’s the way Lululemon mis-handled it.

I’m curious to see how Lululemon makes this right with their customers and fans.

Might I suggest a massive give-back campaign?

If you own any Lululemon product you’re not happy with, even if its not the Luon pants, bring it back to any Lululemon store and we’ll replace it.

No questions asked.

No try-on required.

Lululemon, Christine Day, get at me.

I’m here all week.

I’ll be the dude in downward facing dog with my man package exposed in your see-though pants.

It’s a digital world. Why are you still analog?

We are a digital generation.

Our lives are inextricably intertwined to technology.

Wherever you look, there are signs of the digital era.

Think about the last major storm or natural disaster you heard about.

Mobile phones and Twitter were how most people first reported or got wind of them.

That’s powerful.

If you look at your own behavior, you’re checking your email, text messages or social media accounts on your phone.

These activities didn’t exist a decade ago.

There was no Facebook, YouTube or Twitter.

Smart phones were still several years away from being mainstream.

Or affordable.

But today, things have changed.

Smartphones, social media, texting, instant messaging, wifi.

We can’t imagine living without them.

See something interesting? What do you do?

Whip out your phone, take a snap or shoot a video and post.

Can’t remember the name of song on the radio? What do you do?

Dial up the Shazam app on your phone or Google the lyrics.

Need directions? What do you do?

Hit up MapQuest for turn-by-turn directions.

Why am I going into all this?

Because for all the advances that are taking place in technology, I still hear people say “why do I need this or that” and it drives me absolutely bonkers!

I was in Miami for a few days, and I came across (yet another) brand, a hotel, without a mobile website, app or any form of social media.

When I started talking about all the reasons why they should have any one (or all three) of these things, they pashawed me like I was talking gobbledygook.

They went on and on about how their demographic used computers.

Wouldn’t use mobile phones to make reservations.

Weren’t on Twitter or Facebook.

And have no need for an app.

Despite my eloquent arguments to the contrary, they gave no ground.

It was only when I showed them the mobile site of one of their competitors that the lightbulb went off, and they finally understood what I was talking about.

But it shouldn’t be this way!

How is the digital world growing, changing and advancing by leaps and bounds, but folks are missing it wholesale?

Sure, traditional ways of doing things still work.

Want to advertise a sale at your store? You could take an ad out in the paper.

Or place an ad online.

If anyone sees either, they’ll know that you’re having a sale.

The one who sees it in print will have to get in their car, drive to the store and then check out what’s for sale.

The one who sees it online can go right to your site and check out what you’ve got for sale, right then and there.

If they’re on a mobile device they can browse and buy on the go.

The difference between the two are night and day.

Know ye this: I’m on a mission.

To bring analog cave-dwellers to the digital light.

It’s going to be a long road.

But I’m ready for the challenge.

Analog heathen beware!

Watch Fuji learn. Pimping my child for 15 minutes of fame.

This clip of my son will make me famous.

There.

I’ve said it.

I am shamelessly and intentionally pimping my 3 year old son Fuji.

For the sole objective of fame.

I have four kids.

And none of them have yet provided me with the fodder I need to strike it rich on social media.

Sure they’re smart.

They test off the charts.

They are Chukumbas after all.

My daughter, the first born, is artistic.

Sh gets busy with pencil and paper, on the flute, chimes, and in choir.

My first son is naturally athletic.

And dominates his mates in virtually every sport he plays.

The baby girl is a thespian.

She is the source of endless hours of entertainment singing, dancing, pantomiming and telling (bad) jokes.

And the baby is an all-around piece of work.

He’s handsome and charming with a smile that melts hearts.

He’ll probably be a gigolo.

But for all this talent, I have yet to capture a single viral moment.

I’ve yet to record a tricked out Vivaldi.

Or an incredible bicycle kick goal.

Or even some Shakespeare.

Oh sure, I’ve gotten them on film.

But all I’ve captured to date are cute light moments.

Nothing viral-worthy.

In this day of selfless aggrandizement of digital social status, YouTube is the litmus test of legitimacy.

But how one attains such status is elusive.

While countless videos have gone viral.

Few of them intended to do it.

Not Charlie.

Not trick shot baby.

Not 2 year old dances the jive.

And I’m not talking about ad agencies.

With beaucoup bucks to throw at creating a viral sensation.

I’m talking regular folk.

I am always talking smack about what I think about this and that.

For some reason, I think that my opinion counts.

I write a blog for Chrissakes!

Vanity aside, I do know a thing or two.

And if my calculation is right, my video of Nokosi “Little Bear” will do what viral videos do.

When they’re just the right thing.

Properly captured.

Of a certain length.

And shared through a properly engaged network.

Who can deny a child’s enthusiasm for learning?

Now here’s the plan.

My family, friends and colleagues will get this first.

It will amaze, amuse and warm the cockles of their hearts.

Then, they’ll share it with their wider network of friends.

Who will be similarly impressed and compelled to do the same.

And so on.

And so on.

Before some local news affiliate picks it up.

Broadcasts it.

And the world will see how Chukumba kids get down for their learning.

Then it’s network television.

Speaking engagements.

Endorsement deals.

And then world domination.

Mwahhhhaahahaha!

I’m sorry.

Got a little ahead of myself.

But I think I’m on to something.

Something about this video strikes me as the stuff of YouTube sensation.

I could be full of shit.

But you decide.

If you think this video of little Fuji getting his learn on is awesome, like and share.

If not, you suck.

I’m a baller on LinkedIn…or the target of cyberstalkers.

Yesterday I got a message that warmed the cockles of my heart.

Was it a note from me dear old mum?

A clever meme on Rubio’s thirsty on screen faux pas, perhaps?

No and no.

It was an email from LinkedIn.

No. I didn’t stutter or mis-type.

LinkedIn, I said.

I’m sure you’re wondering: “what the heck could LinkedIn have said to make Stephen feel all pink inside?”

Wonder no more my good friend.

I’ll tell you.

They said (and I quote):

Stephen, congratulations! You have one of the top 5% most viewed profiles on LinkedIn for 2012.

Now I don’t totally know what this means.

Aside from the fact that I’m a popular target among LinkedIn voyeurs.

But it does account for all the headhunters that hit me up on a fairly regular basis.

I’m sure that the fact that I’ve tied my Facebook, YouTube and Twitter feeds to my LinkedIn account, doesn’t hurt.

My LinkedIn feed stays poppin!

I probably get a lil more love due to the space I’m in – mobile – and it’s increasing importance to brands.

It could be my 500+ LinkedIn connections, which from a purely statistical perspective, means that I have a bigger network than most.

Resulting in more traffic coming my way.

Whatever the reason, I was a little gassed.

It’s not like I’m anyone particularly famous.

Except in my head.

So the explicit acknowledgment from LinkedIn was as pleasing as it was unexpected.

But I’ve got supernodes in my network.

So I’m sure that someone is going to let me know that they were in the top 1% of most viewed profiles on LinkedIn.

And just poop on my parade.